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Well tomorrow is the 6 year anniversary of a day I will never forget. The following blur is a local newspaper:
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Three members of a college ministry are dead and another is in serious condition after a traffic accident on Interstate 10 in Jackson County Monday night.Jeromy Leary, 20, of Ocala; David Hoffman, 18, of Cross City; and Joseph Hall, 17, of Dothan, Ala., died after being ejected when the van they were riding in spun out of control and rolled several times. Amanda Leary, Jeromy’s wife, was critically injured in the accident and is in serious condition following emergency surgery.The driver and the other passengers were treated for minor injuries and released. Eleven students from the Baptist College of Florida “JAM (Jesus And Me) Team” were returning to campus in Graceville from a youth retreat in Bristol. The accident occurred when the tread separated from the right rear tire on their van at about 9 p.m., said Corp. Rick Warden, with the Florida Highway Patrol.

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I wrote about the this last year but because this accident happen 6 years ago on September 24, 2001, I wanted to write more about it. As many of yall know, I was apart this team for many years. The team that went out that night was not my team and that i was asked to be there. I still can remember that day. I was not feeling that well and it was raining. I even remember what I was wearing. At this time Jason was working in Dothan, Alabama and that morning was the last time I told him “I love you” and I would not see him until later that night when I got home.

The event that night was awesome. Some of you might not know this but I know sign language and I do dramatic sign language to music. That night I knew what I was going to do, but then I changed the song I was going to do. After we did our thing, it was time to go home. While all the others were talking, I was studying for a Math test (I know, I hate math) then we heard a loud pop. That was the night that my life changed for ever. I remember being upside down hanging for my seat belt and having to crawl out the front window and walking on glass. I remember that I was doing a head check and remembering one of the guys taking his shirt off to help stop Jeremy’s bleeding. About 10 minutes later, Jeremy was dead. Joe was already dead due to the fact that he hit the road head first and David (we called him Davey) was hanging on. He died later that night. Amanda was hanging on. She landed in the grassy medium which saved her life. I had a few cuts and had stitches in my arm. The others had minor injuries. I remember calling the schools library to get help. I even can hear the cracking in our vice president’s voice when I told him about Jeremy and Joe being dead. I remember coming home around 2pm from the hospital all beat up and that I called my mom who live about an hour and a haft so that she would not hear about it on the local news. That whole week we had tons of press at the college. I remember my friend Sharon (who asks us to come to hear church that night), coming to my house and cried. 2 weeks after accident we were being pulled in and out of class to talk to insurance companies, Fl Highway portal officers taking our testimony’s, the schools lawyers, and even the victims parents and there lawyers. We had a lot of our professors who were very nice to us, but was mad that we were not being left alone and sometimes got made that we had to leave class. This went on for 3 months. I still could remember hearing the FHP officer telling that if I did not have my seatbelt on, I would of been dead too. I was even put on depression medication to help me focus.

6 years later, I still feel like that I should of been dead. I still ask myself, “I am still here.” About two months before the accident I had felled out of a tree trying to save my kittens. I had done a clean break to my 6th and 7th vertebra and was on bed rest for 2 weeks. Because of the back injury, we were scared that the accident had done more damage to my back, but luckily there was not more damage done.

Although this accident happen six years ago, this September is no difference. September 2001 was the month that I went to my first counseling conference and my sister had her first baby. This September would of been the month that I would of been a mom, I took some time off from going to conventions and this coming Tuesday my sister will have her 3rd child. Talk about deja vu.

As far as the JAM team, well they are no more. Because of the accident, the teams were slowing dying. Many of us were not allow to go back on the road for a while. We could not even visit the church that we went too for a long time. The teams were being over ruled by other school organization like Strike Force (the school worship team) who got the best of very everything and other groups who did ministry. For what I had heard, the school has a drama team but not like we had. The Jam team was started in 1994 and was the driving force for the school. My church even had a team come out and because of them, when I got to the school, I wanted to be on that team.

Wow, this blog is a long one but I wanted to share. This is like therapy for me. To all the ones who read this and remember what when on September 24, 2001 take some time to remember the guys were in the accident and their families. Even remember the ones who lived.

Until next time

ps. sorry for the bad grammar but this is was hard to write about but needed to write about it.

Well yesterday was a year ago that I started of blogging or as some of my “friends” call it web logging. I have to say that I am glad I stuck with it.  To everyone who reads this page (and even the ones who reads it just to make sure I am alive, which I am so call or email me sometime okay) I hope you have enjoyed the site and my bad grammar.

Well off to bed. More reflection later =)

Some of you guys may know but this past January I had may very first Ectopic pregnancy which did end up with as a miscarriage.  Well this coming weekend would of been the weekend that Jason and I would of been parents for the first time. As many of y’all know I am a very emotional person and I can’t hold things in very well. This past week  I was thinking about a song that Wes King wrote about him and his wife when they had their miscarriage. I love this song and thought I would share it.

Thought you’d be here
by Wes King

We thought you’d be here by now
Your mother and I

We’re praying through our tears that somehow
We might hear your sweet cry

Have we waited too long
It’s getting harder to be strong
Is there something we’ve done wrong

But if you like dancing
I’ll make it rain rhythm and rhyme and melodies, child
And if you like dreaming
Your mother will make your imagination run wild
Somehow, we thought you’d be here by now

We have a room just for you upstairs
It’s right down the hall
So we’ll be close should you ever get scared
We’ll come when you call

It’s a room full of stories
Waiting to be told
Longing to behold

And if you like laughing
I’ll plaint you a circus of smiles and ferris wheels, dear
And if you like living
Your mother will fly you to worlds both far and near
Somehow . . .

I never knew the silence could make me so deaf
I never knew I could miss someone I’ve never met
Miss someone I haven’t met yet

We’ll be waiting

Sorry if that made you cry in any way, but this is how I have been feeling lately. Also I have been feeling emotional  about past experiences. I miss all my friends in Atlanta and right now some of them is having a blast. Alothough it has any been about 2 months since we moved the friends I do have here still have mix emtions and maybe some unresolved issues with me, but I know that I have to give that time. If any of you guys read this, I am sorry and want to make a new.

For the last few weeks I have had another song in my head. The first time I heard this song I was blown away. The song is about cutting, but I think that it also speaks about emotional cuts that we put on our soul and every time we think about about past experiences and mistakes, a new cut forms and does not go away. There is not the official video for this song but I love this one and if you watch you will see why.

Plumb- Cut