Well May is almost over and haven’t wrote a blog post in a long time.  May has been a very busy month and I don’t think it will stop.

This past weekend I have been thinking about what  to write.  Lately I have been feeling alone or more so “out of place” in these last few months.  I feel that I just don’t  belong  anywhere  but I keep telling myself that I do, I just don’t know where.   I do have a few friends who have helped me a great deal when it comes to building better relationships and who are truly wanting to walk with me and to guide me when it comes to having 100% freedom in my life in the past few months.  Now I am very grateful for these relationships and I thank God everyday that I truly have support. On the other side, I feel that I still can’t trust them  because of the fact that I have let people in that I trusted before and I would do something to mess it up. I am still have trust issues with my own self when it comes to who I will let in my life. I am just now getting used to having one of their friends in the mixes to help me understands some of these feeling.  You would think I have some clue or insight on why this issues of loneliness and not belonging, but I don’t.

I have been in prayer about this and been going over the good things about the relationships that I have and that I have friends out there that really do care about it. One example of this was a few weeks ago  I had an old friend find me on facebook.  I had not hear from this friend (who is male) since he move our 11th grade year of High School. He was one of maybe 2 people who I truly called my friend and yes we even had a few dates here and there. Well he first asked me if my madien name was Dixon, which it is and we messaged back and forth and he told me he was glad that to hear that I was doing great and that he didn’t have to worry about me anymore.  I still have people worry about it even thought I’ve been married for now almost 9 years to my very bestest buddy pal in the world and I guess thats okay.

So that is how I have been feeling lately and needed to write about it. If you (the reader) have ever read my blogs before, I use this web log to sometimes let things out and is more like therapy to me then anything.   These feeling are my own and are real now. I have been in deep prayer and even been working on somethings in my life to get back on track.

Sorry if the grammar is not all there, but hey I’m Treeva

Well until next time =)