Busy Busy Busy

So it is almost the end of August and I have not even blogged, although I didn’t”t bog at all last month.

Well last month Jason and I went to the State of Kentucky for a few days and had a blast.  We met some new friends, saw a friend who just moved up there for seminary and saw some very awesome professor and his wife from my FBTC /BCF days that I had seen in 9 years.  Are new friends Brad and Christina  are awesome and very geekie.  Christina and I hit it off  right off the bat and was so glad we finially got to met.  We both like the same shows and  of course we LOVE our geekie guys. Brad and Christina also have their own podcast that is awesome called PodCulture. If you like to hear some really good geekie goodness then go to http://www.podculture.net Also if you like really good geekie music, Brad also has another podcast that is all about some good geekie music call The Geek Spin and you can find that at http://www.thegeekspin.com . We had a great time in KY and hope to go back sometime.  Oh and we also went to the  Buffalo Trace Distillery and had some fun there too.

Well that was July and now we are in August for a least a few days.  Jason got a promotion at work and I have a new group of kids at work. All this summer we have been doing things but this month we had some down time.  As some of yall know we are still trying to start a family and we tried something different this month, but just like all the other months nothing happen. Maybe next month will be “the” month, but for now I am starting to learn on just taking this one cycle at a time.

Over the past few months I have been having some personal growth on some of the “stuff” going on in my life. I have been working very hard in trying new approaches to things and how I handle these issues and to whom I let in my in my world with my “stuff.” It’s been 2 years since we moved back to Huntsville (Jason’s home town) and although I miss ALL my friend back in Atlanta, I am so glad that I have someone now  who gets me.  I have had a lot of support (which is made of people who have been where I am at now to some of the parents of the kids in my class and other classes) and encouragement with this whole fertility thing and I thank God for that all the time.  I get stressed and depressed (which some of you know how bad I get) very easily and I even lose focus, but I am learning to let go and deal with all the unhealthiness in my life right now.  Whether it is dealing with past issues or even dealing with things like confusing relationships with certain  people or what certain  people think of my now, or even how I handle myself and my emotions in situations that where I have been trying to hard to “prove” to the world that I am changing.  Well guest what, I am changing and I am so blessed to have  a person or persons in my life seeing a real change in me and cheering me on to where the other side of the world already has their mind made up on me and what they think. Yeah I said it and I just going to stop right there for now.

One of the biggest changes that I am seeking God’s wisdom on is on how I handle next month, but more on that next month.

Until next time

PS.- Her are a few pictures from KY

Welcome to KY

2 geekie girls.

Age to Prefection - Buffalo Trace Distillery

Can you ever think of a time that you had a true “God moment” at work?

Here’s a question for ya.

Can you ever think of a time that you had  a true “God moment” at work?  A moment in time where you are at work and God just makes an appearance from out of nowhere. Well that is what happen to me today. As some of y’all know, I have been working for a Christian school/preschool/daycare for about a year (next month will be a year) as an assistant teacher and I teach sign language  during the school year. Well today was truly a God moment.

One of the greatest things about working at a Christian school is that my little 3 and 4 year olds get to hear from Gods words. Today Pastor Ron (my main boss) told the story of Job. Yes, he told them all about how Job lost his animals, his children, his wife, and how even some of his friends even told him that he must of been a bad person and that God was punishing Job.  Pastor Ron told the children that even thought Job had lost everything, Job still loved God and through Job’s faithfulness and his love for God, Job was blessed with a new family, friends, and even more animals. One of my favorite things that Pastor Ron loves to do sometimes is tell them a story about himself. Well Pastor Ron told them about how him and his wife  first baby daughter had died. He told them that although they were sad about losing a child, they gave that pain to God and that they where happy that God gets to see her everyday and how God even blessed Pastor Ron and his wife with more daughters.  The main point that he told the children was that although sometimes bad things and suffering happens, God love us no matter what.

WOW

This past week I have been very emotional with this whole fertility stuff and all the confusing and difficulty that come with it.  After hearing the story of Job, part of me has been like Job’s wife and friends and the other part of me is like Job. Job’s wife and friends kept feeding him his head with thoughts and lies like “what have you done to make God angry with you” or ” God never loved you” or ” If God really loves you, why are you suffering.”  Lately Satan has been putting lies and thoughts in my head just like Job’s family and friends did. Mine are more like “You will never be a parent” or “God is punishing you” or even ” just give up. the fertility treatments are not going to work.”  On the other hand, the “Job” side of me is truly identifying and  is able to convince myself that in fact these are truly lies and that I know that God loves me and that I am just rest in him, just like Job did. Now is that AWESOME or what.

During Job’s difficult time, his friends laugh and  talked down to him.  They didn’t understand what was going on and they acted on it. I am truly blessed that  I have friends who are walking with me during this difficult time in my life that has  not experience what I am going through.  I am even blessed for the friends who are walking with me and knows what I am going through.  I am also glad for a husband, who for 9 years has stood beside me through some really hard time.

Also this past week I have had two songs in my head. One of the songs is a beautiful song by Wes King.  I have wrote about this song before and wanted to post the words again.  This is how I have been feeling and wanted to share it again. Also this might help some of you understand how I am feeling at this moment.

Thought you’d be here
by Wes King

We thought you’d be here by now
Your mother and I

We’re praying through our tears that somehow
We might hear your sweet cry

Have we waited too long
It’s getting harder to be strong
Is there something we’ve done wrong

But if you like dancing
I’ll make it rain rhythm and rhyme and melodies, child
And if you like dreaming
Your mother will make your imagination run wild
Somehow, we thought you’d be here by now

We have a room just for you upstairs
It’s right down the hall
So we’ll be close should you ever get scared
We’ll come when you call

It’s a room full of stories
Waiting to be told
Longing to behold

And if you like laughing
I’ll plaint you a circus of smiles and ferris wheels, dear
And if you like living
Your mother will fly you to worlds both far and near
Somehow . . .

I never knew the silence could make me so deaf
I never knew I could miss someone I’ve never met
Miss someone I haven’t met yet

We’ll be waiting

The other song is a song that I has been kinda like my song at this moment. I bet that even Job would love this song.

The More I Seek You – Kari Jobe

Until next time

It’s May and I needed to post.

Well May is almost over and haven’t wrote a blog post in a long time.  May has been a very busy month and I don’t think it will stop.

This past weekend I have been thinking about what  to write.  Lately I have been feeling alone or more so “out of place” in these last few months.  I feel that I just don’t  belong  anywhere  but I keep telling myself that I do, I just don’t know where.   I do have a few friends who have helped me a great deal when it comes to building better relationships and who are truly wanting to walk with me and to guide me when it comes to having 100% freedom in my life in the past few months.  Now I am very grateful for these relationships and I thank God everyday that I truly have support. On the other side, I feel that I still can’t trust them  because of the fact that I have let people in that I trusted before and I would do something to mess it up. I am still have trust issues with my own self when it comes to who I will let in my life. I am just now getting used to having one of their friends in the mixes to help me understands some of these feeling.  You would think I have some clue or insight on why this issues of loneliness and not belonging, but I don’t.

I have been in prayer about this and been going over the good things about the relationships that I have and that I have friends out there that really do care about it. One example of this was a few weeks ago  I had an old friend find me on facebook.  I had not hear from this friend (who is male) since he move our 11th grade year of High School. He was one of maybe 2 people who I truly called my friend and yes we even had a few dates here and there. Well he first asked me if my madien name was Dixon, which it is and we messaged back and forth and he told me he was glad that to hear that I was doing great and that he didn’t have to worry about me anymore.  I still have people worry about it even thought I’ve been married for now almost 9 years to my very bestest buddy pal in the world and I guess thats okay.

So that is how I have been feeling lately and needed to write about it. If you (the reader) have ever read my blogs before, I use this web log to sometimes let things out and is more like therapy to me then anything.   These feeling are my own and are real now. I have been in deep prayer and even been working on somethings in my life to get back on track.

Sorry if the grammar is not all there, but hey I’m Treeva

Well until next time =)